The Worst Parenting Advice New Parents Still Hear
, by Hello Charlie Blogs, 3 min reading time
Every new parent receives advice.
Some of it is helpful. Some of it is outdated. Some of it is well-meaning but makes you feel worse.
One of the worst pieces of parenting advice many parents still hear is:
“Don’t hold the baby too much. You’ll spoil them.”
It sounds confident, but it is not helpful advice for a newborn.
You cannot spoil a baby with comfort
Babies cry because they need something.
They might be hungry, tired, cold, hot, uncomfortable, overstimulated, in pain, or simply needing closeness.
Raising Children Network says clearly that you cannot spoil a baby. Babies depend on caregivers to give them what they need for healthy development.
Responding to a baby does not teach them to manipulate you. It teaches them that they are safe.
Responsive care builds trust
When you pick up, cuddle, feed, rock, talk to or comfort your baby, you are building connection.
Raising Children Network’s crying babies guide explains that responding warmly and lovingly helps babies feel safe and secure and supports a relationship that matters for development, learning and wellbeing.
That does not mean you must be perfect. No parent can respond instantly every time. But babies benefit from consistent, caring responses over time.
Why this advice is so damaging
New parents are already tired, emotional and trying to learn their baby.
Being told not to cuddle a crying baby can create doubt and guilt. It can make parents ignore their instincts. It can also frame normal baby needs as bad behaviour.
But newborns are not trying to be difficult. They are communicating the only way they can.
What to do when baby cries
Try checking the basics:
- Is baby hungry?
- Do they need a nappy change?
- Are they too hot or cold?
- Are they tired?
- Do they need burping?
- Are they overstimulated?
- Do they need comfort?
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby explains that crying is how babies communicate, and that in the first months crying helps build a close relationship as babies learn how to call for help when they need something.
Comfort tools that can help
Every baby is different, but some simple tools may help settle your baby:
- Swaddling or wrapping safely
- Rocking
- White noise
- Babywearing
- A dummy if you choose to use one
- Feeding
- Skin-to-skin contact
- A quiet, dim room
You can browse practical baby comfort items in Hello Charlie’s Baby Gear, Dummies & Accessories and Baby Comforters & Blankies collections.
When you need a break
Responding to your baby matters, but so does your wellbeing.
If you feel overwhelmed, place your baby safely in their cot and take a few minutes to breathe. Call someone you trust. Ask for help. Step away safely if you need to calm your body.
A crying baby can be incredibly stressful, especially when you are sleep deprived. You are not failing because you need support.
Other parenting advice you can question
You are allowed to question advice such as:
- “Let them cry so they learn.”
- “Never hold them to sleep.”
- “You’re making a rod for your own back.”
- “Good babies sleep through.”
- “You should know what they need by now.”
Some advice may suit some families at some stages. But advice should never make you ignore your baby’s basic need for comfort, safety and connection.
Final thoughts
You cannot spoil a baby by responding with love.
Holding, cuddling and comforting your baby are not bad habits. They are part of building trust.
Listen to advice with curiosity, but trust your baby and your instincts too.
Browse Hello Charlie’s Newborn Gifts, Baby Gear and Dummies & Accessories, or read more gentle parenting guides on the Hello Charlie Blog.