How to Help Children Feel Safe Telling You Things: From Body Safety to Trusted Adults

Most parents want their child to know they can tell them anything. The harder question is how we build that feeling before a child ever needs to bring us something difficult.

This week is National Child Protection Week, 6–12 September 2026. Its theme — Every Conversation Matters: Shifting Conversation to Action — is a useful prompt because child safety is not one frightening “big talk”. It is also the ordinary pattern of listening, respecting body boundaries, naming trusted adults and showing children that their voice changes what adults do.

This is a sensitive topic. Our aim is not to make parents anxious or to suggest children are responsible for preventing abuse. Adults carry that responsibility. What children can be given are age-appropriate language, safe people and repeated evidence that speaking up is worthwhile.

The direct answer: how do we help children feel safe telling us things?

Why the small conversations matter

It is tempting to think child-safety education begins when we sit a child down and announce that we need to discuss something serious.

Australian resources take a more everyday approach. The National Office for Child Safety recommends weaving age-appropriate conversations into topics children already encounter: bodies, relationships, respect, boundaries, consent and online life. Its activity resources encourage normal daily settings rather than making safety a subject that only appears when adults are frightened.

A child learns whether we are safe to talk to partly from what happens when they tell us ordinary things. When they say a game made them uncomfortable, do we immediately tell them they are overreacting? When they do not want a hug, do we make them provide affection to keep an adult happy? When they admit they broke a rule online, is our first response only punishment — or do we also find out what happened?

None of these moments is a guarantee of safety. But they teach a child something about what happens when they bring us information.

“You can tell me” becomes more believable when a child has repeatedly experienced: “I told you, and you listened.”

Body safety without making children afraid of bodies

Body-safety conversations can be simple and matter-of-fact. The aim is not to teach children that the world is full of dangerous people. It is to help them understand that their body belongs to them, that some boundaries matter, and that they can seek help when something feels unsafe or confusing.

Bravehearts’ personal-safety education for young children includes recognising safe and unsafe feelings, noticing body warning signs, body ownership, using anatomically correct names for private body parts, saying no when something feels unsafe or unsure, and continuing to seek help from an adult.

The National Office for Child Safety similarly recommends conversations about saying no, physical warning signs, inappropriate touching and the difference between secrets and surprises.

What about hugs and affection?

Children cannot have complete autonomy over every body-related decision. Adults still need to make health, hygiene and safety decisions: fastening a seatbelt, applying necessary medical care, helping a young child wash, or moving a child out of danger.

But we can avoid making optional affection compulsory. A child who does not want to kiss or hug a relative can usually be offered another way to greet or say goodbye. This is not because every unwanted hug is dangerous. It is because body boundaries are easier to understand when adults model that a child’s comfort matters where genuine choice exists.

Use clear names

Clear, age-appropriate anatomical language can make body conversations less mysterious and gives children words adults can understand. There is no need to make these words frightening or embarrassing. They can simply be part of learning body parts, privacy and care.

Safety conversations do not need to begin with fear. Everyday listening helps children learn that their words matter.

One trusted adult is good. A safety network is better.

The National Office for Child Safety provides a practical “My Safety Team” activity for preschool and primary-school children. The idea is to identify several adults the child trusts and can approach if they feel worried, scared, unsafe or simply have questions.

The suggested network includes adults both inside and outside the home — for example a parent or carer, grandparent, aunt or uncle, teacher, principal, family friend, police or Kids Helpline. eSafety uses a similar “Safety Network” idea and suggests around three to five safe and trusted adults.

We like this approach because it removes an unrealistic assumption: that a child will always feel able to tell Mum or Dad first. Children may worry about upsetting a parent. The concern might involve someone in the family. They may find one teacher easier to talk to. Older children may first tell a friend. A network gives them more than one route to help.

Make sure the adults know they are on the team

A list is more useful when the adults understand their role. The National Office describes a “safety helper” as someone prepared to listen, believe, help and take responsibility for supporting the child’s safety. A trusted adult is not merely a person who receives information. They need to know what to do with it.

Listening when the story is messy

Adults often expect important information to arrive in a clear sentence. Children do not necessarily communicate that way.

The National Office for Child Safety notes that disclosure can be direct, partial, indirect or accidental. A child may test how an adult reacts before saying more. Some children communicate through changes in behaviour, play, drawings, body language or repeated phrases. Children with disability or communication differences may disclose in ways adults do not immediately recognise.

This does not mean every behavioural change indicates abuse. There can be many explanations for sleep changes, distress, avoidance or challenging behaviour. The point is not to diagnose from a checklist. It is to notice, stay curious and take concerning information seriously.

If something feels unusual, gentle open questions can be more useful than interrogation. Give the child time. Let them use their own language. Avoid filling in the story for them.

If a child tells you something serious

This is the part many adults are understandably afraid of getting wrong.

The National Office for Child Safety’s guidance is clear: if a child discloses sexual abuse, respond with empathy and care. Stay calm, allow them to take their time, believe them, make clear that they are not to blame, and prioritise their immediate safety.

Useful messages include:

• Thank you for telling me.
• You are not in trouble.
• I believe you.
• This is not your fault.
• I will help you.

What is generally not helpful is demanding every detail, questioning why the child did not tell you earlier, expressing disbelief, blaming them, or making them manage the adult’s distress.

You also should not promise secrecy you may not be able to keep. Depending on where you live and your role, reporting obligations may apply. Current requirements vary across Australian states and territories.

Body safety now includes cameras, messages and online spaces

For today’s children, body safety is not only about physical touch.

The eSafety Commissioner explicitly includes photos, videos, cameras, sexualised conversations and requests for private images in body-safety education. Children should know that they can say no to something online that makes them uncomfortable and can tell a trusted adult even if they broke a family technology rule first.

This is a useful parenting test: if a child believes admitting a mistake will definitely mean losing the device, they may be more reluctant to tell us when something genuinely unsafe happens on it.

That does not mean removing all technology consequences. It means separating two jobs when necessary: first make the child safe; then deal with the ordinary family rule.

What “shifting conversation to action” looks like at home

NAPCAN’s 2026 theme is deliberately bigger than asking parents to have better talks. Child protection cannot be placed on children’s shoulders, and it cannot be solved by teaching children the correct words. Adults create safer environments.

What child-safety conversations should not become

They should not make the child responsible for stopping abuse

Teaching “say no and tell” can be useful, but children cannot always say no, leave, recognise grooming or overcome an adult’s power. If abuse happens, responsibility lies with the person who caused the harm and with adults and systems responsible for safety — never with the child for not using the “right” safety strategy.

They should not become stranger-danger education only

Safety is more complicated than identifying unknown people. Children need permission to speak about behaviour that feels unsafe or confusing regardless of who is involved.

They should not be one frightening annual lecture

Short, ordinary, age-appropriate conversations are easier to revisit. The National Office’s resources are designed around exactly this idea.

They should not require parents to feel perfectly comfortable

Many adults did not grow up with clear conversations about consent, private parts or online sexual safety. Some have their own trauma histories. Feeling uncomfortable does not mean you cannot begin. It can mean using a trusted Australian resource, taking one topic at a time, and seeking support for yourself when needed.

A practical family checklist

• Does my child know accurate, age-appropriate names for body parts?
• Do they know they can tell me about something uncomfortable even if they think they broke a rule?
• Have we identified several trusted adults, including someone outside our home?
• Do those adults know they are part of the child’s safety network?
• Do I respect “no” around optional affection where a real choice exists?
• Have we talked about secrets, surprises and situations that make their body feel worried or unsafe?
• Does my child know body safety also applies to photos, videos and cameras?
• Do I know my school, kinder, childcare or sports club’s safeguarding and reporting process?
• Do I know where I would seek help if a child disclosed something?
• When my child tells me small uncomfortable things, do I make enough space to hear them?

Frequently asked questions

What age should body-safety conversations start?

They can begin in simple, developmentally appropriate ways in the early years: naming body parts, respecting reasonable boundaries, talking about safe and unsafe feelings, and identifying trusted adults. Bravehearts’ structured Ditto program has an early-years version from age three, while the National Office provides resources for preschool and primary-school children.

Should children be told to keep some secrets?

Australian child-safety resources encourage adults to talk about the difference between secrets and surprises. The useful principle is that a child should know there is nothing so worrying, uncomfortable or “yucky” that they cannot tell a trusted adult.

What if my child does not want to hug a grandparent?

Where affection is optional, allowing another greeting can reinforce that the child’s comfort matters. Necessary health, hygiene and safety care is different and still needs adult guidance.

How many trusted adults should a child have?

There is no magic number, but eSafety suggests a safety network of three to five trusted adults. The National Office’s preschool and primary activity uses the five fingers of a hand to help children identify a team.

What if a child tells me something but I am not sure whether it is abuse?

Do not interrogate the child or dismiss the concern. Listen, preserve their words as accurately as you can, prioritise safety and seek advice from the relevant child-protection service, police or a specialist support service. In an emergency call 000.

Is this the child’s job to keep themselves safe?

No. Personal-safety skills can give children useful language and routes to help, but adults and organisations remain responsible for creating safe environments, recognising concerns and acting on them.

Related Reading

For another Hello Charlie article about listening to feelings while adults still hold responsibility, see Firm and Gentle Parenting: Why We Believe Children Need Both Warmth and Clear Boundaries.

Or browse the Hello Charlie Eco Baby & Kids articles.

Sources & fact-check notes

• NAPCAN — National Child Protection Week 2026: Every Conversation Matters, Shifting Conversation to Action.
• National Office for Child Safety — Having conversations with children and young people; My Safety Team; Being a Safety Helper; Responding to child sexual abuse disclosures; Activity Booklet.
• eSafety Commissioner — Talking about child sexual abuse online with 0–12 year olds; My Safety Network.
• Bravehearts — Ditto’s Keep Safe Adventure / personal-safety education principles.

Fact-check boundary: Personal-safety education can support children’s knowledge and help-seeking, but it cannot prevent all abuse and must not transfer responsibility from adults to children. This article is general educational information, not legal advice, investigation guidance or a substitute for professional child-protection support.